Guilt
by SilverMidnight52
Summary: Wes pointed out he was jealous of Travis. Admitting that came with no small amount of guilt. Don't get Wes wrong he loved his family...Okay he loved his little brother. So when the group decides they once again know all Wes's control snaps. What does he reveal about his brother?
1. Chapter 1

I don't know how I even thought of this, but I like it.

I own nothing. Talk about a mental disorder. Please review?

* * *

"Come on, Wes," Travis grinned annoyingly, "Tell us!"

It was one of our sessions with Dr. Ryan and the group and for the last seven minutes everyone had been trying to figure out why my jaw had a lovely bruise on it. They were all like a dog with a bone and I was ready to scream. They weren't even listening to Dr. Ryan as she tried to reign them in.

This time I couldn't even bring myself to glare at Travis. I had slept maybe an hour last night when I finally got back to my room and I only got that long by luck. Now I had to deal with these people demanding answers on top of the day I had yesterday.

It usually wasn't all that bad, but with everything piling up around me I knew my emotions were dangerously close to the surface. I couldn't leave unless I left the group, and Travis, permanently. Anyway I never talked to anybody here. Especially about this. Alex knew, but I didn't really have her to talk to anymore, did I?

Honestly this whole situation made me feel exhausted and guilty. I couldn't walk away though. I would never do what my parents did. So it was a little difficult for me. That didn't matter. I just had to deal with whatever came along and keep going. I couldn't show weakness. Not with this.

That didn't make it any easier. I hated myself for it, but I wanted to leave. To walk away and forget all of this. Go back to having the 'normal' life that I had dreamed of. That dream died years ago. My life couldn't be 'normal' as long as I kept doing this and I loved him too much to walk away. I loved him.

"Travis," Dr. Ryan tried to stop him.

"Did someone hit you?" Dakota's sweet voice broke through, "Like a girlfriend."

All the joy and amusement seemed to wash out of Travis when she said that. He obviously had thought I had been in a bar fight or something. Now he had another theory and this was one he would never joke about. Neither of us would. We had seen too many domestic disputes in our line of work. I couldn't help but be glad though that Dakota knew a man could be just as easily abused by a woman as the reverse.

Though now even Dr. Ryan was staring at me. She hadn't thought abuse either. Now I had no choice but to talk. I couldn't just say I wasn't being abused. No one would believe me. No, I was going to have to do something I had never wanted to do. Even with Alex I didn't want to talk, but she found a picture. I had to talk.

"Wes," Travis said before I could speak, "What happened?"

"Nothing," I started, "I got…"

"Your jaw is bruised. That's not nothing. Come on, Wes. Talk to us. You know you're safe here."

"Travis, I…"

"And don't lie. I'll find out. I'll help you man. Just talk…"

"It was my brother!"

Travis opened his mouth to continue, but stopped when my words sunk in. I hadn't meant to yell, but, like always, Travis wasn't listening. He jumped to conclusions and was so far in his thoughts few things to get through to him. I hated when that happened.

"Your brother," Travis spoke slowly, "Since when do you have a brother?"

Everyone could hear the hurt in my partner's voice as he stood up and started to leave. I felt a surge of anger consume me and I found myself moving quickly to pull Travis back into the room and close the door. If he wanted answers then he'd get them.

"Move, Wes," Travis glared.

"No," I growled, "You don't get to do that."

"Do what? Keep something as big as a sibling a secret? No, wait. That's you."

"You always do this! You always leave before you know the whole situation. Always make me the bad guy when I did nothing wrong!"

"I asked you a million times if you had siblings. You said 'no'. You lied!"

"I was protecting him!"

"From what? Me? Do you really think I'd hurt your brother, Wes? Do you know me at all?"

"You don't understand, Travis."

"Damn right I don't! What was going on in that head of yours?"

"Protecting him. I had to protect him!"

"Why?"

"He's Schizophrenic!"

"What?"

"My brother is…Travis, my brother is Schizophrenic.


	2. Chapter 2

I don't know how I even thought of this, but I like it.

I own nothing. Talk about a mental disorder. Please review?

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"Detective Mitchell," Nurse Katy smiled tiredly, "How are you today?"

"Tired," I nodded back, "How are you? How's Eli?"

"Right now he's fine or he was the last time I checked. And I'm fine too. Heading out for the day. I'll see you tomorrow."

Walking into the hospital I nodded my head to the head nurse as she packed her bags to leave. Katy had been working her since I brought my brother and she and I got along pretty well.

Her Mother had been here for a few years before her death so she knew everything for the most part. Truthfully she was the person that understand what I was going through the most so I liked to keep her close.

Still having someone was only so helpful. I never had someone who understood before. And she knew that I just wanted to get out sometimes. To forget this nightmare. She never judged me for that.

She was always there for me to talk to even if I had to talk at random times at night. She just offered to make me some coffee after inviting me to her place. Very motherly person. It was probably why Eli got along with her when he was lucid.

Which seemed to be the case today. There wasn't actually that many days where my brother wasn't lucid. It was the days that he wasn't thought that were bad. He wasn't always violent, he usually just talked to himself, but when he was I couldn't' handle him alone. As much as I had tried I couldn't take care of my little brother. Not anymore. I wasn't strong enough.

I walked the familiar halls to my brothers room periodically nodding my head at people I had come to know. Was it sad that I knew not only every doctor and nurse on this floor, but also the patients and their families? Sort of a friendship based off our similar situations. Not that any of us really talked to each other. We simply understood what the other person was going through.

Then I came to the open door of my little brothers room and let out the breath I was holding. If the door had been closed then Eli had started to get worse. I had already seen my brother restrained to his bed. A few times I had helped tie him down. It really wasn't something I wanted to do again.

This didn't mean much though. It was possible that he had no idea who I was or even where he was. All the door being opened meant was he hadn't been violent today. I always liked knowing that. Eli wasn't a violent person in any way. He hated violence of any sort. At least when he knew what was going on he wasn't violent. Though now I knew he had a mean right hook.

Looking into the room I saw my brother standing by his window. If I hadn't grown up with the man I would have thought was a statue. It always was a little odd to see him like this, but at the same time it was welcoming. This was Eli. This was my little brother. I couldn't explain how happy I was knowing that.

Eli's hair had grown a few inches longer than he normally liked it, but the last few days had been up in the air. It also was darker than it had been when we were younger while his skin was paler. He hadn't been outside in awhile. At least not for very long. I tried to go for a walk when I visited, but that didn't always happen and when it did it usually wasn't for very long.

He was also growing skinnier every day. Though I knew that some of that was because he hadn't been well lately. I also knew that he was simply refusing to eat. As much as I hated it there had been a time when Eli refused to eat anything unless I looked over it. Every breakfast, lunch, and dinner I would visit him and look over the food. He trusted me with this. Which made it hurt so much more when he didn't recognize me.

"Hey Eli," I greeted while knocking on his door.

"Wesley," Eli turned to me a grin on his lips, "I haven't seen you in days. How have you been?"

I didn't bother telling Eli I had been sitting by his head for the past few days even though he had been put under the whole time. I could never walk away from my little brother. Him not remembering that I had been there didn't matter. The point was that I was there for him. Usually I spent an hour or two with the man, but on days where he was in a drug induced sleep I found it so hard to leave his side.

When we were kids it was my self-appointed job to take care of Eli. Ever since I first felt him kicking in my Mother's stomach I knew he was mine to protect. And I did. Family, friends, school. I kept him safe from everything At least I had kept him safe until this whole thing started. I couldn't keep him safe and that broke my heart.

Turning back to my brother I saw him staring at me. My stomach dropped as I saw the confusion in his eyes. No, he had been good when I came here. It had been days since I had seen recognition in his eyes. I missed that look so much. Why did he have to have a few bad days in a row?

A sigh fell from my lips as I started to move to get a nurse. I didn't get very far before Eli's fist was connecting with my face. He kept asking who I was, what I had done with his brother. Three nurses came in and attempted to calm him down until one injected him As he was placed in his head I took his hand in mine and sat next to him for the night.


	3. Chapter 3

I don't know how I even thought of this, but I like it.

I think this is the end or at least this is how I finished it. Since I have like one reviewer if you'd like another chapter where Travis meets Eli tell me. If not then...The end!

I own nothing. Talk about a mental disorder. Please review?

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"Wes," Dr. Ryan stared at me in sympathy, "Does anyone know about your brother?"

"Alex does," I sighed turning to her, "But they only met a couple of times. I didn't want her to have to deal with his bad days. I know what I'm doing. She doesn't."

The entire room was silent after that. I guess no one had thought that maybe, just maybe I had a good reason. Not everything I did was because I was an ass.

In fact, a lot of the things I did was because I scheduled my life around Eli. I knew that it was stupid and there was nothing I could do, but I couldn't leave him alone. I wouldn't.

I can still remember how it was when the while things started. I remember sitting in this bleak, almost completely empty waiting room everyday for house while Eli talked to his doctor.

I actually spent most of my free time there. After the first time of just sitting there I started bringing my homework. Took over a little table they had by on of the couches. I got a lot of work done.

A few times his doctor had expressed worry about me. He hadn't seemed to understand that I had to do my job. No matter what happened I had to be there for my little brother. No matter what the new was.

I wasn't going to let him think that he was going to be alone through out this whole thing. Honestly, I didn't care what it took to make him feel even slightly better about everything. I would do it.

Then he was diagnosed and things got pretty bad. Saying that Eli was afraid was an understatement. He hid away for awhile refusing to even let me near him. I could hear him talking to someone through the door, but I could never tell what he was saying. I just knew that he was talking to someone only he could see.

After a few days I convinced Eli to go back to his doctor. At least I think I was the one to convince him. The entire time that we talked he kept looking to the side and I knew that he was seeing someone else.

In the end though he did end up talking to his doctor. It didn't get him on his meds. I don't know why, but I truly wasn't surprised that the first thing out of his mouth was about that.

Eli flat out refused to take any medication and there was nothing anyone could do about it. He was old enough to decide for himself. And he chose not to take meds or to go into the hospital. So it was decided that we'd get a small apartment and he'd stay with me.

I don't know why I bothered, but I ended up calling our parents to tell them what was going on. In return, probably to ease their own guilt, they paid the rest on a fairly nice apartment for us.

It was difficult to take care of Eli and go to school. Not that I really had to watch over the man. He had a few symptoms, but for the most part nothing had really changed. Except that I now had a real reason to worry about my little brother.

Everything was fine for awhile. We worked together to make our home nice and the worst thing that came from Eli was him talking to himself. It was things that we could handle fairly easily. There really was no trouble working around all the little things that needed to be done to keep him calm.

That was when he had his first bad day. I had just come home from a date with Alex and there was yelling coming from inside. Worry filled me as I heard Eli screaming in anger. I'd never heard him sound like that. I had gone in to see what was going on and saw Eli was alone. He was having an episode.

I tried to talk to him, to calm him down, but whatever he was seeing was getting to him. Before I could even think I found myself on the ground, Eli using his legs to pin me, his fists continuingly hitting my face.

As soon as blood started to fall from my nose and mouth I closed my eyes tightly knowing what I was going to have to do. I didn't want to do this, but I doubted he'd stop anytime soon.

It took two punches for me to have Eli knocked out on the floor. I hated myself for that. I did everything to protect him and no I was the one hurting him. I couldn't deal with another episode like this. I couldn't hurt him to stop him from hurting me.

So I called his doctor and had him admitted. He fought for awhile, until he found out that he was the one that hurt me. It was like time froze for him before he quietly agreed.

"Wes," Travis whispered staring at me, "You can't blame yourself."

"I don't," I growled.

"Bull. You always blame yourself. You couldn't stop this from happening to him."

"Is that supposed to make all this better somehow?"

"No, but it does help a little. Listen to me. You can't blame yourself."

"Travis…"

"You're way too stubborn, man. Always doing everything yourself. Always carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. You don't control everything no matter how hard you try."

"He's my brother."

"I know. I get that. I'm not telling you to walk away or let it go. I'm saying that you can't let this be the only thing in your life."

"Then what do I do, Travis? We both know I have nothing else. We both know that."

"Wrong, Wes. You have me and I'll help you. Just like you'd help me. We're partners, baby. It's what we do. And I'm not letting you do this alone. Not anymore.


End file.
